


One step forward

by bijyu



Series: jongtae uni/domestic au [1]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 05:33:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3924742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bijyu/pseuds/bijyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was autumn when Jonghyun confessed to Taemin. It's spring when Taemin realizes he loves him too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One step forward

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt - demisexual Jonghyun, university au

 

 

 

For a long time, Jonghyun thinks it's fine just like this. He doesn't want Taemin to know he's in love with him; he doubts they could ever actually become a couple, and he's all right just being close to him as a friend.  


Taemin has dated both boys and girls, but there was more of the latter than the former and Jonghyun has a good reason to believe he's not Taemin's type. He's Taemin's childhood friend, someone Taemin's mother would turn to ask to look after her little boy when she was too busy preparing dinner. He's always considered Taemin a cute kid, but nothing more than that, and when he had to move to enroll in his university of choice, Taemin was just one of the people he'd said goodbye too, just another hometown friend he'd miss.  


It all changes when Taemin chooses the same university he did. They aren't flatmates but they lives close to each other and Jonghyun's mother expects him to look after her best friend's son and show him around. He's not happy about it at first and he delays his visit to Taemin's place for as long as he can— he thinks Taemin will consider his help a burden. It turns out it's the opposite; Taemin is determined to stand on his own feet but he's happy to see someone he considers a part of home.  


"You haven't changed at all," he tells Jonghyun with a smile. "Except… did you, like, shrink?"  


Jonghyun is about to inform him that he didn't shrink, thank you very much, it's just that some people grew too much, but then he notices the playful twinkle in Taemin's eyes and he just smiles, shaking his head.  


Jonghyun feels a little awkward and out of place at first, waiting in the kitchen, watching Taemin make tea as he bickers with his flatmates, Jongin and Wonsik, whom he seems to be very closely tied with. He seems already at home in his new flat, and Jonghyun feels a bit pathetic when he thinks how long it took him to get used to student life. He can't help but think Taemin won't need his help at all.  


"Honestly, I'm so glad to see you," Taemin says, as if he can read his mind and decides to immediately dissolve his doubts. He places the tea cup in front of him and flops down on the only other chair by the small table. "This campus is fucking huge, I got lost yesterday trying to find the computer lab and Jongin here," he gestures to the sleepy, messy haired boy who's leaning against the kitchen counter and drinking something from a cute puppy pattern mug, "is even more hopeless than I am. Wonsik kinda knows his way around but ever since he started dating Hongbin he pretty much never gets out of his asshole. Or off his dick. I don't really wanna know."  


"I can hear you Lee Taemin!" comes a muffled voice from the bathroom.  


"I'm not hopeless," Jongin mumbles— it seems he took his time processing what was happening around him. Jonghyun thinks it's cute; he remembers Taemin also needs a lot of time to actually wake up after getting out of bed. He wonders if Wonsik is more of an early bird, because if not, those three are going to be late too often.  


"Do you think you could show me around?" Taemin ignores his friend and gives Jonghyun a hopeful smile. "I'll treat you to something after."  


"Uh, sure?" Jonghyun smiles back; he still feels a little out of place, but less unneeded than before. "That sounds nice."

 

 

 

  


 

Taemin is different without his friends around. A little softer, shyer, more like the kid he used to know. He still surprises Jonghyun with his sharp comments, but he's overall very comfortable to be around, and it's not long before Jonghyun finds himself laughing heartily, the familiarity of their lighthearted conversation making him feel like he's a kid again.  


When Taemin grabs Jonghyun's wrist to pull him towards the campus cafeteria— "I'm starving," he says— his grip is surprisingly strong, feels completely different from the way he used to hesitantly tug at Jonghyun's hand when he wanted something. Jonghyun glances down at the pale, slim fingers wrapped around his wrist and it's the first time when he feels something stir inside him.  


He doesn't pay much attention to it but just a moment later, when they're sitting at one of the cafeteria's small tables waiting for their food, it hits him again.  


"Is the food here good?" Taemin asks.  


"Not bad." Jonghyun shrugs. "But I think my cooking is better," he adds with a confident smile. Taemin raises his eyebrows in a disbelieving manner.  


"I think I remember you were almost as bad as I."  


"Well, that was before I moved out and had to learn how to cook." He scrunches his nose up. "I hate instant food so I had no choice."  


Taemin hums, intrigued. "Well, I can't wait for you to invite me so I can test your skills." He laughs shortly. "I'm afraid even if I wanted to learn myself, it wouldn't end well. Jongin can live only on KFC and I swear all Wonsik needs to eat is Hongbin's dick. And maybe his ass. But I miss actual food, so…"  


"All right, you can come over." Jonghyun chuckles. "If you promise not to talk about Wonsik and his boyfriend."  


"Deal." Taemin sighs contently. "I'm really happy we can hang out again."  


"Yeah, me too," Jonghyun replies sincerely. The smile Taemin gives him after that is bright and sweet, his eyes crinkling and turning into crescents. So cute, he thinks, and it's not different from how he'd always seen Taemin, but he can tell that pit-patting in his chest wasn't there before.  


And it scares him a little, because he has honestly never felt like this about anyone before.  


 

 

 

 

 

It's not long before he starts to feel right at home at Taemin's place. Wonsik is really almost never around and Jongin has night shifts at the convi store so he spends most of his afternoons sleeping. If he's not sleeping, he's playing games and engaging Taemin in silly play fights, but Jonghyun doesn't mind that. He thinks Jongin is cute; he has that sort of innocent boyish charm about him that makes you want to coo at him even when he's being bratty.  


However, Taemin seems to prefer hanging out at Jonghyun's place and he's there so often that Jinki, his flatmate, starts giving Jonghyun meaningful glances and smiles.  


"Our sofa must be more comfortable than I thought," he muses. "Maybe I should try sleeping on it? My bed kinda makes my back hurt."  


"Um, sorry that he's always here…" Jonghyun mumbles, feeling both embarrassed and guilty.  


"Don't be stupid." Jinki smiles as he fills his bowl with the leftover curry rice. "The kid's cute and it's not like you're too noisy. I don't really mind. Plus," he picks up his bowl with his hand, showing it to Jonghyun. "I keep eating your food. We're both crappy roommates, a perfect match, I'd say."  


Jonghyun laughs. "I guess you're right." Then, he pouts. "I'm not that bad of a roommate, though."  


"Sure," Jinki waves at him dismissingly with his spoon. "Why is your boyfriend not here today, though?"  


"He's working on a project— wait, he's not my boyfriend." Jonghyun feels himself blush and he doesn't understand why but it only intensifies when Jinki gives him a scrutinizing stare. There's nothing between him and Taemin so why is he so flustered? Stupid.  


"But you wish he was," Jinki answers matter-of-factly. Jonghyun is already opening his mouth to protest, but Jinki swiftly changes the subject. "Aren't you late?"  


Right. He's already all dressed up to leave, how irresponsible of him to get distracted last minute.  


"Shit, my bus!"  


As he runs to the bus stop he can't help but think he only manages to be a little more organized around Taemin because otherwise they both would be doomed.  


 

 

 

 

 

He keeps mulling over Jinki's words but he doesn't come to a certain conclusion. It's not like he thinks Jinki was right. When Taemin gets a girlfriend, he's genuinely happy for him. It doesn't last long but Taemin doesn't seem especially bothered with the break up.  


"She's busy," he tells Jonghyun over one of their cafeteria meals together. "She decided her studies are more important and I respect that. I'll miss the sex though," he adds with a mischievous smile, making Jonghyun roll his eyes.  


"That's not the point of dating. You can get sex anywhere."  


"Oh, are you an expert now?" Taemin asks and Jonghyun almost chokes on his rice.  


"I could be," he says defensively. "I just…don't feel the need to."  


Taemin cocks an eyebrow at him. "Really?"  


They haven't discussed those things much; Jonghyun can imagine Wonsik and Jongin are more likely candidates for Taemin to discuss sex with.  


"Really. People have different needs, you know," he says softly, picking at his food distractedly.  


"Okay, and what of dating?" Taemin frowns. "Now that I think you never talk about that. Or about people you find hot. Who do you find hot?"  


"Well, myself?" Jonghyun grins. The subject is starting to make him feel uneasy and he naturally slips into jokes to avoid the awkwardness. Turns out Taemin knows him too well to buy it, though.  


"Right." He leans forward with a sweet smile— much too charming for Jonghyun's liking— his eyes full of curiosity. "Come on. Spill."  


"There's," he meets Taemin's gaze and for a second the words get stuck in his throat, his heart beating fast. Taemin's face is so close to his— too close. "No one," he finishes shakily, eyes dropping to his unfinished meal. "I'm trying to focus on my grades, okay? With studying, working, and well, friends," he smiles, because Taemin knows very well he takes a lot of Jonghyun's free time," I just don't have time."  


"You talk like an idol in an interview," Taemin says leaning back in his chair. "But well, Sejung said the same thing before breaking up with me."  


"It sounds avoidant but it might be the truth for many people.  Not everyone is after romance."  


"Well, it's not really my priority either." Taemin smiles. "I'd much rather hang out with you."  


The words make Jonghyun blush; he's not ready to analyze his feelings, though, so he busies himself with finishing his meal, listening to Taemin chat happily about Jongin's love life mishaps.  


 

 

 

 

 

It's not until a few months later when Jonghyun finally sorts his feelings out. It's their summer break but due to their part time jobs they both stay in the city. The heat is suffocating and they spend evenings lying by the fan eating ice popsicles, drinking drinks with ice, and watching various movies and TV shows.  


"This is so stupid," Taemin groans, shifting his pillow under him to make himself more comfortable. He's already finished his strawberry popsicle and Jonghyun isn't sure if it's the color or the temperature of it that made his lips look so red, but it's a little distracting, so he keeps his eyes fixed on the screen. "They keep making the dumbest choices, no wonder they all die so young."  


They're watching Game of Thrones and Taemin is so into it it's cute, even with all the complaints. And, even with the random book spoilers he throws at Jonghyun, half of them completely made up just to make him suffer.  


"I'm sure if it were you, you'd do much better," Jonghyun snorts, taking a sip from his drink. They're both on the floor but Taemin is lying down, while Jonghyun is sitting by the fan. The room is dimly lit; it feels stuffy with the blinds rolled down and the windows closed, but Jonghyun knows better than to open them— it's even hotter outside.  


"Of course." Taemin smiles. "I'd probably be the king by now."  


"Well. So was Joffrey," Jonghyun points out with amusement.  


"Hey, I'm nothing like Joffrey."  


"True." Jonghyun playfully pokes Taemin's side. "You're much cuter."  


Taemin catches his hand and rolls to his side, his eyebrows raised, a challenge in his eyes.  


"I'm not cute," he says. "Well, at least, not the fluffy harmless kind of cute."  


"Yeah?" Jonghyun grins. "What kind of cute are you then?"  


"The deadly kind." Having said that, Taemin pulls him to the floor and straddles him, pinning him down. Jonghyun thinks about fighting back but fuck, it's much too hot and just the thought of moving and getting all sweaty makes him want to escape to the showers. So he doesn't resist.  


"And what are you going to do with me now, your highness?"  


He really should have guessed from the devilish grin Taemin had painted on his face, he really should have struggled to get free. He regrets not doing so a second later when Taemin takes his drink glass and throws the ice cubes down the collar of his tank top. The sudden coldness on his warm skin makes Jonghyun shriek and writhe as he forcefully frees himself from Taemin's grip. He pushes the laughing boy off his lap and swipes the ice off his body.  


"You little—"  


Taemin is still shaking from laughter; he does try to scramble to his feet, presumably to run, but he's not fast enough. Jonghyun lunges at him and pins him down to the floor. He tries to look angry but he can't stop himself from grinning. Taemin is still smiling, flushed, and breathless from laughter, and he looks so pretty that Jonghyun forgets whatever threats he had on his mind.  


His heart is hammering in his chest as Taemin looks up at him curiously. Looking down at him like this, having him so close, being surrounded by his scent— suddenly all Jonghyun can think about is what it would be like to kiss him. His lips look so soft and— and he really needs to stop before things get too awkward.  


"You're impossible," he says softly, masking his embarrassment, and loosens his grip on Taemin's wrists. "And we missed like half of the episode."  


Taemin snorts, raising himself to a sitting position. "Let me guess. Someone died."  


Jonghyun chuckles half-heartedly at that and watches Taemin lean over the laptop to play the part they missed again. His heart is still beating so fast, and he feels hopeless and stupid. He's not dense and he can recognize his feelings all too clearly. It's not just attraction, it's genuine affection. He's definitely in love.  


Thing is, to Taemin he's still what he's always been to him— a safe, familiar presence, a part of home. Not someone you could ever see as a lover.  


"What's with the gloomy face?" Taemin pats his head, and Jonghyun wants to swat his head away, telling him he's not a puppy— but it's exactly what he feels like right now. A lovesick puppy. "Don't worry, Jon Snow doesn't die until—"  


"Shut up with your fake spoilers, Lee Taemin!" he grumbles and Taemin laughs, his eyes crinkling. It's all right, Jonghyun thinks as they both once again make themselves comfortable on the pillows scattered on the floor. This is more than enough.  


 

 

 

 

 

He tells himself so firmly that he doesn't mind, constantly pushing his feelings away, that when they finally take over the intensity of it scares him.  


One of the factors causing it is Taemin being accepted for a scholarship abroad. It's only six months, but Jonghyun can't help but worry. He himself is going to finish studying before Taemin comes back. It feels like everything is going to change, like every day spent with Taemin is one of their last ones together like this.  


"You think you're gonna move before I come back?" Taemin asks him about a week before his departure.  


"Don't know," Jonghyun replies distractedly. "Probably not immediately, but after I get a steady job…"  


Jonghyun is sitting at his desk, trying to sort out the sources for his master's thesis while Taemin is lying on Jonghyun's bed, going through an English textbook on his tablet. They sometimes just spend time together like this, each doing their own thing. It feels comfortable. Taemin is at his place so often that they don't feel the need to actively hang out each time.  


"I dunno. I just like being around you," Taemin told him once, completely unaware of how giddy that confession made Jonghyun feel. "It's same with Jongin, but I feel calmer with you?" He smiled. "We should move in together after uni," he added. The words were thoughtless, just a spur of a moment thing, not an actual plan, and Jonghyun knew better than to get his hopes up. Still, it was nice to know Taemin liked being with him so much.  


He himself knows he will miss their time together.  


"I will miss this place," Taemin says, as if he can read Jonghyun's mind. "Feels safe here."  


Jonghyun's eyes slide over to him, and he smiles at Taemin's tousled hair and pouty expression. Taemin smiles back, briefly, then he sighs, putting the tablet away and rolling on his back.  


"I wonder what my place in Sweden will be like… I'm excited, you know. To see new places. Meet new people. But I'm also kinda scared."  


"That's natural. You're going there alone." Jonghyun knows he'd be nervous as hell himself. "But you'll do just fine. You're more capable than you think."  


"Mmm. I hope I meet lots of cool people." He rolls back on his stomach, lying his chin on his hands. "You think I can date a cute Swedish girl?" he asks with a smile. "For cultural exchange and all."  


Jonghyun laughs. "You mean body fluids exchange?" He pauses. "Why not a boy though?" he asks carefully. Technically, he knows Taemin is bisexual, but he mostly talks about girls, and that makes Jonghyun a little anxious. It's not like he has a lot of hope for Taemin to ever like him but…small chance is better than no chance.  


"Well, that'd be great too. Heard Swedes are super tall."  


Jonghyun bites down on his lip, turning back to his laptop screen. That's what you get for prying, he thinks darkly. "Taller isn't always better." He knows he sounds like he's sulking and he's not surprised to hear Taemin laugh at him.  


"Most people like tall," he says, tone teasing. "But I don't really know," he sounds thoughtful now. "Guess small is cute?"  


"You think I'm cute?" Jonghyun asks before he can stop himself. He sends Taemin a grin, just to make it seem less serious, and Taemin rolls his eyes at him.  


"No." Ouch, Jonghyun thinks, and quickly pushes his disappointment down. "I mean, yes." Taemin smiles at his baffled expression. "You are, I just wasn't talking about you. In general. You know, small puppies and kitties, cute, right?"  


"Y-yeah, I guess." Jonghyun looks back to the screen, feeling himself blush. The cursor is blinking at him tauntingly; he hasn't written a word for the past twenty minutes. It looks like Taemin considers the conversation finished for now, as he goes back to repeating English words under his breath. Jonghyun tries to focus on his work, too, but his thoughts keep wandering back to Taemin.  


Truthfully, he's scared. Worried that Taemin will leave without realising how Jonghyun feels about him, worried he'll never consider him anything more than a childhood friend, worried that with all the new people he meets, Jonghyun won't matter to him anymore after he comes back.  


So for the first time he actually considers confessing. But he knows he still wouldn't if it wasn't for Taemin's goodbye party.  


Predictably, there's alcohol involved. It's a party thrown at Taemin's place and honestly, Jonghyun didn't really want to come, feeling content with saying his goodbyes in private. But he'd feel stupid if he didn't; for some reason both Taemin and Jongin assumed he'd be there for sure and from the start they talked about it like it was his party as well. So in the end he prepared some snacks, bought some soju and appeared right in time to get introduced to many already tipsy people.  


He got to meet Wonsik's boyfriend, too. It feels a bit strange, after hearing so much about him, to replace this vague image he had of him in his head with someone who actually exists. He's always thought Wonsik was exaggerating when he kept on praising his looks but he's surprised to discover Hongbin is really very good looking. If one goes by the general beauty standards, which Jonghyun isn't sure are his thing. But by now he's pretty sure nothing is really his thing— except for Taemin, that is.  


Hongbin is also a fun, smart person, though, and Jonghyun can see why Wonsik is so crazy about him.  


"They're a pretty good match, huh?" Taemin says, passing him a refilled glass. Jonghyun eyes it hesitantly. He already feels drunk— he doesn't have the best alcohol tolerance.  


"I guess?" He watches Wonsik laugh about something as Hongbin elbows him with a teasing smile playing at his lips. "They seem close."  


"They were friends for like. Ages. Before they got together," Jongin chimes in, reaching to grab some chips from the snack table behind Jonghyun. "Seems like a great way to get together. You already know each other inside out and all."  


"I don't know." Taemin frowns, taking a sip from his glass. "It's kind of weird. I don't think I could do it. It's like…a potato chip can't become a chicken nugget, you know?"  


Jongin laughs at that. "Your comparisons suck."  


"No, but really." Taemin shakes his head. "Imagine if I fell in love with you?"  


Jongin gives him a horrified glance. Jonghyun, already feeling disturbed by the conversation, remains quiet, absent mindedly drinking from his glass and watching Moonkyu flirt with Soojung. He wants to change the subject but he has no idea what to say. And, despite himself, he wants to know what Taemin really thinks.  


"Ew, don't even—" Jongin pauses. "Wait. It's not some drama shit, right, you're not asking me to test the waters? You won't cry in the bathroom after I brush you off?"  


"God, no!" Taemin laughs. "I was just proving my point. You're a potato chip, see?"  


"Your comparisons…" Jongin repeats, sounding deeply displeased at being stuck with a potato chip label. "What about Jonghyun hyung, though?" he asks suddenly. Jonghyun glances at him, panicked— but Jongin doesn't seem to realize the anxiety the question gives him. He looks genuinely curious. "You two are very close, too."  


"Yeah, but…" Taemin pauses, and all Jonghyun can do is stare at the ground and be thankful for the loud music, because he's sure if it wasn't for all the noise, everyone would be able to hear his heart thumping in his chest. "It's kind of different? Still a potato chip, though." He lightly pats Jonghyun's arm. "Right?"  


"Y-yeah. Definitely a potato chip," Jonghyun replies, even though it feels like he's squeezing the words out of his throat. He manages a smile, too. He thinks he seriously deserves a reward.  


He makes it through another two hours of the party, drinking way more than he can handle, and when he starts feeling sick, he decides to leave. He doesn't bother telling anyone; with how drunk everyone is, he doubts anyone would notice his absence anyway.  


As soon as he leaves the apartment block, his legs start to feel strangely wobbly. He thought the fresh air would refresh him but he feels even more drunk than before, and he awkwardly plops down on the nearby bench, hoping the sitting position will make his head stop spinning.  


He wants to go home. Not his apartment here, but home, he just wants to feel safe and loved, maybe hug his dog, eat his mom's cooking and not have any complicated feelings ever again.  


His vision becomes blurry as he stares at the pavement. Stupid, he thinks, wiping the tears away, rubbing at his eyes with frustration. More tears come, though, and he feels like such an idiot for crying over something so dumb. He's known all along, so why does hearing it out loud hurt so much?  


Must be all the alcohol. It will get better once he sobers up, he just needs to get to bed and—  


"Jonghyun?" He freezes as he hears Taemin approach him. He was so preoccupied with feeling sorry for himself he didn't even notice him coming out of the building. "Glad I found you, Kyungsoo said you've just left." Taemin sounds a little breathless but much more sober than Jonghyun feels. "You forgot your phone— fuck, are you crying?" Taemin leans down, touching his arm, but Jonghyun refuses to look up, sniffling into his sleeve. Now that Taemin is here it only makes him want to cry even more, and he honestly hates being such a pathetic crybaby but fuck— he can't stop.  


"Fuck, Jjong, what happened? Are you all right?"  


"Fine," he replies shakily. "Don't worry about me— you know the dumbest thing can make me cry, I just got too drunk, I'll be fine once I get home." He applauds himself for managing to say all that without his voice cracking but Taemin doesn't seem convinced.  


"I'll walk you home, okay?" he says, gently pulling him to his feet. He doesn't start walking, though, instead he wraps his arm around him, pulling him into an embrace. Jonghyun's world starts spinning again, and he leans on Taemin heavily, sniffing against his shoulder. God, pull yourself together, he thinks angrily, but that small bit of care and affection only makes him more emotional.

  
"Jonghyun, what the hell happened?" Taemin pats his back, and even though it's meant to be comforting, it's terribly awkward. Taemin was never very good at comforting people; he's much better at solving problems than soothing them with words. "You know you can tell me, okay?"  


"Nothing," Jonghyun says miserably. "It's just…you know. I'm just a potato chip. I can never become a chicken nugget."  


He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. He can feel Taemin tense, and he pulls away, worried that otherwise, Taemin might push him away himself— and that would be too much for Jonghyun to handle right now. He doesn't need to go through another pathetic breakdown.  


"Jjong, what are you…" Taemin draws his eyebrows together giving him an incredulous look. "Wait, you can't mean…" he trails off, blinking at Jonghyun in stunned silence.  


At least, the nervousness makes Jonghyun stop crying.  


"I can walk home myself," he whispers hoarsely. His mind is completely blank and he's not sure what he feels anymore. "You have my phone?"  


"Oh, yeah!" Taemin pulls the phone out of his jacket pocket and hands it to Jonghyun. "Uh, did you mean— do you—"  


"I like you," Jonghyun says simply, figuring he has nothing left to lose. He looks up at Taemin, at his completely surprised and confused expression, and he knows just how hopeless it is.  


"I—" for a moment Taemin looks troubled, like there's a lot he has to ask, or a lot to say, probably many excuses he wants to make. But then he just looks away. "I'm sorry."  


"It's okay," Jonghyun replies weakly, and of course, his voice has to crack now. "I knew it was hopeless but I just..." he shakes his head. "I really need to go."  


"Yeah." Taemin doesn't try to stop him, doesn't insist on walking him home anymore, and Jonghyun doesn't even want to know what that means. "See you later."  


It's only when he gets home he realizes that 'later' won't mean in a few days, but in half a year— Taemin is leaving to Sweden tomorrow.  


 

 

 

 

 

Taemin wakes up with a huge mess in his apartment and even bigger mess in his head. He leaves the cleaning to Jongin and Wonsik— cleaning of the apartment, sadly they can't help with his thoughts and feelings— and quickly showers, dresses and gathers whatever of his belongings he hasn't packed yet. His plane takes off at 5 pm but he figures it's better if he leaves early. Knowing his luck, it's best to take extra precautions.  


He only texts Jonghyun before boarding the plane. In all the rush, he doesn't really have time to properly think about what happened, and he simply doesn't know how he feels. He's never thought of Jonghyun that way. The idea seems too bizarre to him to even try imagining it. Still, he doesn't want Jonghyun to think he's upset with him. He can imagine how Jonghyun must feel right now— embarrassed, scared, worried Taemin will never talk to him again.  


_I'm about to get on the plane! Hope the hangover doesn't kill you._  


It feels strange to send such a simple message after what happened, but he doesn't know what else to say.  


He only notices that he's received a reply when he's about to turn his phone off for the takeoff.  


_Stay safe. I'm okay, got a little headache. hbu?_  


And then, after a few minutes.  


_And sorry for yesterday. Forget what I said, okay? Let me know once you get there_  


Taemin frowns, staring at the screen. There's no way he can just forget that. He still doesn't know what to say, though, so he just turns his phone off and tries to make himself comfortable in his seat, hoping to catch some much needed sleep.  


 

 

 

 

 

Taemin quickly decides he absolutely loves it in Sweden. He makes friends far more easily than he thought he would, and using English on daily basis helps him learn it much faster than textbook exercises. He also meets another Korean guy, who's doing his computer science master's degree at the same university. Minho is a bit awkward but fun and nice, and he's much more willing to visit tourist spots than their Swedish friends. Stockholm is beautiful and as much as he loves eating out and drinking with his friends, his favorite evenings are those he spends with Minho walking around the city.  


He thought he'd miss home a lot, but he doesn't. He falls in love with Stockholm hard and fast, and sometimes when he and Minho just sit in the park, eating takeout food and watching the city breathe around them, he thinks of staying here for good. It doesn't help that Minho has pretty much already moved here, and he offers to help Taemin transfer to the university for good, and help him find a part time job.  


"I did the same thing a year ago," he tells him with a smile. "It's really not as hard as it sounds, if you're good at what you do."  


Still, he misses Jongin, Wonsik and Moonkyu a lot. Them and Jonghyun. He still doesn't feel anything more than friendship towards him, though, and the text messages they exchange are casual and kind of awkward. He misses the way things were before.  


He mentions it through KKT only once.  


_When did you fall for me?_  


It's simple curiosity, plus he hopes more information will help him sort his thought on the matter out.  


_I don't know. Soon after we met in the city I think. I just didn't pay attention to it at first. I've never liked anyone before, you know._  


Taemin stares at the message in his dimly lit room, surprised Jonghyun replied so fast— it was like, 6am in Korea— and baffled by the context as well. He's always assumed Jonghyun was just very secretive about his love and sex life, not that it didn't exist at all. He thought he was joking when he said he'd never dated anyone. But this didn't sound like a joke.  


Then— then why him? Shit, he really didn't want to make Jonghyun's first love experience miserable. But what could he do? He can't exactly force himself to like him back.  


Just as he's staring at the screen, thinking of what to type, another message pops out.  


_Anyway, I told you not to worry about it, Taeminnie ^^ it doesn't matter. I want us to be friends_  


Taemin sighs. He's angry with himself for not noticing earlier, for unintentionally hurting Jonghyun, and he's irrationally angry with Jonghyun for being so goddamn understanding.  


_I'd be a shitty friend if I let you dismiss your feelings so easily_ , he answers, then drops his phone on the bed. He was wrong. Asking didn't help him clear his head— it only made things worse.  


 

 

 

 

Jonghyun didn't reply to his last message. Taemin doesn't send anything himself, and he tries not to think about it at all. It's not like he has a lot of time to— with all the tests and quizzes piling up before the Christmas break he's pretty much permanently stuck in the library, or in front of his computer, trying to stuff his head with as much information as possible. Since it's all in English, it's extra difficult for him, so he studies more than his Swedish friends.  


"You're going to rot in here," one of his classmates, a cute blonde girl, gives him a concerned look. "At least hang out with us tomorrow?"  


"After the break," he replies distractedly, then looks up to give the girl a reassuring smile. "I promise, Julia."  


She smiles back and gives him a thumbs up. "You're going to ace those tests, we all know it," she says. "So get some rest too, okay?"  


He nods at her and she leaves, her ponytail bouncing with her steps. He smiles; she's really cute.  


 

 

 

 

When he's finally done with his last exam, he says goodbyes to his friends leaving to stay with their families, goes back to his dorm and simply falls asleep. He doesn't wake up until 2pm the next day. He looks through the window at the softly falling snow. It's getting dark already; the day in Stockholm is very short at this time of the year. The snow has been falling relentlessly for the past week, but Taemin didn't have time to properly enjoy it.  


It's Christmas Eve, he realizes. In Seoul, it means dating and meeting up with friends. But here Christmas is all about family. Suddenly it dawns on him that he's going to be very lonely for the next few days. Even Minho flew to Korea and won't be back until after the New Year. But Taemin can't afford flying back and forth; he has no choice but to stay.  


He's not especially sad about it. He smiles at the sad selcas he got from Jongin when he was asleep— it looks like all his bragging about getting a Christmas date had been baseless and he spent the day hanging out with Moonkyu at their favorite ramyun place. He got no messages from Wonsik— he probably went on an extremely gross and disgusting date with Hongbin and they were currently having gross and disgusting sex.  


Taemin sends Jongin back a pouting selca, then he takes a quick shower and leaves the dorms to buy some food. He needs to stock up on snacks if he's going to spend the whole week watching TV shows and playing games.  


The festive atmosphere in the city, the snow sparkling in the lamplights, the colorful decorations and the happy Christmas songs playing in every shop he enters make Taemin feel strangely giddy and excited, even though he knows he won't be celebrating the holiday. Once he finishes shopping, he buys himself a takeout cup of hot chocolate. With his woolen hat and scarf to protect him from the cold, and the warm drink to back them up, he doesn't feel like going home yet despite the temperature. He walks around the city's Christmas market, watching all the pretty handmade decorations and fancy sweets put out for sale.  


He stops by the big Christmas tree and looks up at it with admiration; it's beautiful, its sparkling lights seem magical in the dark, snowy evening. He suddenly wishes someone was here with him to see it and somehow, his thoughts instantly wander to Jonghyun.  


He misses him. He remembers the Christmas Eve last year— he and Jonghyun went out ice skating. He'd planned to go with Jongin, but Jongin got sick. Jonghyun immediately agreed to go with him, even though Taemin asked him last minute and Jonghyun couldn't skate at all.  


"I'll learn fast," he told Taemin confidently. "I'm brilliant like that."  


Of course, he ended up clutching on Taemin's arm nervously and slipping constantly for the first hour. Taemin smiles, recalling how embarrassed Jonghyun was the first time he fell on his butt. The second time he laughed it off, though, and he didn't give up until he actually learned to skate on his own. Taemin really loved that about him.  


And Jonghyun looked so cute, all wrapped up in his scarf; it somehow made him look even smaller. He blushed a lot, too. Taemin assumed then it was just the cold and the embarrassment but now that he thinks about it— Jonghyun already liked him back then, didn't he? And they held hands almost all the time as he taught him to skate.  


"It would make for a great romantic date," he remembers saying, "but it's just us so it's more like a single losers meet up."  


Jonghyun snorted then, telling him to speak for himself because he wasn't a loser. It was especially hilarious how he slipped and landed on his ass right after saying that, and they both laughed a lot.  


But…those words must have hurt Jonghyun a bit. And yet, he didn't stop smiling, making sure Taemin had fun.  


Taemin frowns, crumpling the empty cup in his hand and throwing it away to a nearby trash can. Suddenly, his good mood is gone and all he wants is to go back to the dorms and bury himself under the bed covers.  


He does something else once he gets home, though. He texts Jonghyun, asking him if he has time for a Skype call.  


He doesn't use Skype a whole lot; his parents hardly use their computer and he is fine with just texting with his friends. But there's something twisting inside him, making him feel restless, and he really wants to see Jonghyun.  


Instead of answering the text, Jonghyun simply calls him. It's already past midnight in Korea but Taemin knows Jonghyun usually goes to sleep much later than that.  


He can't help but grin happily, seeing him on the screen. He's dressed in a white turtleneck, and just like Taemin thought, he looks wide awake. He looks warm, too. Warm and safe, like home— and fuck, Taemin misses him more than he realized.  


"Hey," he says softly and Jonghyun smiles at him.  


"Taeminnie. Hi." He chuckles. "What happened to your hair?"  


"Oh," Taemin runs his hand through the mess on his head. "I was wearing a hat and— wait, you mean the bleach? I was feeling adventurous."  


"Well, I meant both." Jonghyun grins. "I thought the bird nest style was meant to go with the blond or something." He leans closer to the screen. "You pierced your ear, too!"  


"Uh, yeah." Taemin touches the silver piercing. "You like it?"  


"It looks good." Jonghyun raises his eyebrows at him. "Did you pierce anything else?" The question is innocent but it sounds strangely suggestive in Taemin's head and he feels himself blush. He ignores it, and gives Jonghyun a smile.  


"Nah, I want to keep that small chance of not being disowned. So…how are you doing?"  


"Oh, I'm fine. I'm at—" suddenly Jonghyun stops and there's a blur of movement on the screen accompanied by rustling sounds and Jonghyun saying something that sounds like  _c'mere, baby_. Taemin frowns at that, but before he can come to any strange conclusions, Jonghyun appears in his screen again, and— he's holding his dog.  


"Look who came to say hi," he says. "Roo, say hi to Taeminnie~"  


"Roo!" he calls out, catching the dog's attention. She pushes her nose into the screen and he laughs as Jonghyun tries to pull her away. He hasn't seen her in what felt like ages— Jonghyun left her with his family when he moved to the city.  


"Are you at home?" he asks when Roo finally lets Jonghyun into the view again.  


"Um, yeah. Staying here for a week." Jonghyun pauses, turning around briefly. He says 'okay' to someone, then turns back to Taemin. "Sodam says hi. Says she hopes you visit soon."  


"I hope so too." Taemin suddenly feels overwhelmed by how much he misses home. He thought he wouldn't at all— but it seems he just wasn't giving himself enough time to think about it and realize. "I miss home."  


"If you want, I can go to your parents tomorrow? So you can chat, you know?"  


Taemin shakes his head. He can easily imagine how awkward that would be.  


"It's fine. I just wanted to talk to you."  


Jonghyun blinks at him, looking surprised.  


"Okay then," he says slowly, a smile blooming on his face. "Talk."  


And Taemin talks. He thought it would be awkward after what happened, after not seeing Jonghyun for so long, but it's just as comfortable as it's always been between them. Taemin isn't especially talkative around most people, weighing his words carefully, but with Jonghyun they just flow, and there's always something to talk about.  


And as he watches Jonghyun laugh at a story from one of the parties he went to, it suddenly hits him. Jonghyun loves him. Jonghyun, with his big, puppy eyes and his cute smile, with his soft hair and his warm voice, and his even warmer heart. He looks so adorable now it makes Taemin want to reach out and pet his hair— but he can't, Jonghyun is miles away.  


"That's hilarious." Jonghyun chuckles. "And did he find out?" He's lying in front of his laptop, chin rested on his hands as he supports himself on his elbows. He's blinking his eyes drowsily but he's still fully focused on the conversation. He's so cute— and he loves me, Taemin thinks again. Of all people, me. Jonghyun said there's been no one else. So no preschool crushes, no awkward middle school dating, no clumsy high school sex. Taemin went through all that but for Jonghyun it's just him, and he can't help but feel special in a way. It's not like Jonghyun's feelings would be any less real if he's been with someone before, but still…  


"Taeminnie? You sleepy?" he asks in a soft voice, rubbing his eye. Taemin realizes he's been spacing out— and that they've been talking for over three hours already. It's already 3am in Korea.  


"It's only 8pm here." He smiles. "But you sure look sleepy."  


"Mmm." Jonghyun yawns. "Had to get up early today." 

"Hey, Jjongie? I'm sorry for… not contacting you more."  


"S'kay," Jonghyun rubs his eye. "I didn't— I didn’t know what to say myself. And I was trying to get over— you know. I'm sorry for troubling you."  


Taemin frowns. Get over what? Does Jonghyun mean his feelings for Taemin? Somehow, the thought of Jonghyun giving up on him makes him feel uneasy. He doesn't understand why— it's for the best, isn't it? And yet, he doesn't like it.  


How terribly selfish on you, Lee Taemin. It seems like just because Jonghyun's feelings are good for his ego, a part of him wants Jonghyun to keep liking him. He's not dense, he'd realize if he liked Jonghyun that way. He knows it's not that. It's just him being a selfish person— but well, he's always had a tendency for that.  


"Let's talk again soon," he says, because Jonghyun looks like he's about to fall asleep on his laptop. "You should go to sleep. Sweet dreams."  


"Yeah. Night, Taeminnie. I'm really glad you called." Jonghyun gives him a final smile and he hangs up, leaving Taemin confused and frustrated in the darkness of his dorm room.  


 

 

 

 

He and Jonghyun talk on Skype two, three times a week ever since that night. Jonghyun tells him about his struggles with his thesis and job hunting, and he shows him a small kitten they smuggled into the apartment with Jinki, after Jinki found it lost and freezing on the streets.  


"Someone left him there, I think." Jonghyun looks sad. "I hate people sometimes. We need to find him a home before the landlord finds out…"  


Taemin tells him about the city, his new friends and his classes. It almost feels like there's no distance between them— but then, sometimes, he finds himself wanting to touch Jonghyun. Ruffle his hair, poke him…sometimes, he thinks about holding him, too.  


It's a bit strange; it makes him realize just how much he used to touch Jonghyun. Far more than he touches other people. And those urges he gets— they aren't sexual, but they're full of fondness and love.  


He feels like he can tell Jonghyun anything, just like with Jongin, and he knows how rare such friendships are. So he's all the more afraid of this thing between them screwing it up.  


There's one thing he doesn't tell Jonghyun about, though. His relationship with a girl Julia introduced him to during the New Year's eve party. It's nothing more than sex and friendship, but he feels like he's doing something wrong. Cheating. But on whom? He's not in a relationship with Jonghyun. And yet, he can't bring himself to tell him about it. He knows Jonghyun would be sad— he'd hide it, sure, but that wouldn't make Taemin feel any better about hurting him.  


He could live without sex, of course, but why should he? It's fun and a great stress relief. But each time after they're done his thoughts wander to Jonghyun, and he feels strangely upset with himself, as if he's doing something wrong.  


And then, one time, he thinks about Jonghyun during sex.  


It startles him— he still hasn't ever considered it, firmly pushing the idea away, telling himself it's strange and all kinds of wrong. It doesn't feel strange when he imagines it, though. After all, he thinks about touching Jonghyun a lot as it is. So why would he not want to touch him everywhere, hear him moan, make him feel good…  


Fuck, Lee Taemin, he thinks, you're so goddamn stupid.  


 

 

 

 

His heart is hammering in his chest when he calls Jonghyun later that night. Jonghyun answers rather fast; he's wearing a hoodie and his hair is damp. It looks like he's just taken a shower.  


"I'm working on my thesis," he says after they greet each other. He sounds tired. "Is it important?"  


Taemin parts his lips, but he doesn't say anything. He didn't really think it through. What is he supposed to say? 'I realized I wouldn't mind fucking you so maybe let's try dating?' He suddenly remembers what Jonghyun once told him. 'For me dating isn't really about that.'  


He frowns. Maybe he himself was connecting love to sex too strongly all this time. Maybe he's liked Jonghyun that way far longer than he realizes— it just seemed weird to him because Jonghyun is a close friend and the idea of having sex with someone he knew well, without the thrill of a new discovery, was foreign to him.  


And all of Taemin's relationships so far were…very casual. Short lived. Focused on sex.  


Shit. He is dense after all. Really fucking dense. 'What is this feeling in my chest' shoujo character level dense.  


"It's— I…" He groans, ruffling his hair in frustration and Jonghyun raises his eyebrows at him.  


"What?" he asks, amused, leaning closer to the screen. "What is it?"  


"Okay. I know it's selfish of me to ask but… can you not give up on me?"  


Jonghyun blinks at him. "W-what…?" he asks, voice small.  


"Just…" Taemin lets out a shaky breath, trying to sort his thoughts out, calm his heart down. "I need some time to think, but please don't get over it yet…"  


Jonghyun leans back in his chair; he's silent for a moment, then he sniffs, looking away, rubbing his eyes with his fingers.  


What the hell. Is he…  


"Uh, Jjong?"  


"You're so fucking stupid," Jonghyun says, voice thick and quivering, and then he disconnects, just like that.  


Okay, Taemin thinks, a sense of hopelessness washing over him. That didn't go well.  


 

 

 

 

 

Taemin feels sick with how nervous he is when he waits for Jonghyun to open the door. It's been two months since they last talked, and he's called Jonghyun many times, he's sent him even more messages. He definitely didn't feel like staying in Sweden anymore, but he promised everyone to at least visit. He knows he'll miss them— especially Minho and Julia. But not even half as much as he misses Jonghyun.  


"Honestly, you're kind of a dick," Jongin told him over Skype. Taemin called him because he was feeling seriously miserable and it felt like only the sight of Jongin's dumb face could make him feel a bit better. "You're lucky you're my best friend and I'm naturally inclined to take your side or I'd have to lecture you about how much of a dick you are."  


"That doesn't sound like you're taking my side," Taemin grumbled. "Why can't he at least answer my messages?"  


"Well." Jongin shrugged. "Maybe because you've been a total jerk, you stepped over his feelings and then you, like, picked them up and played pool with them. And we all know you're terrible at pool."  


"And you tell me my comparisons suck."  


"At least I didn't make you cry by calling you a potato chip." Jongin snorted. "What is this, preschool?"  


"Not funny. I didn't mean to—" he stopped in the middle of the sentence, sighing heavily. Jongin raised his eyebrows at him.  


"Hurt him? Well, let me tell you something— it's probably too late." Jongin wasn't smiling anymore— he looked concerned and that fact didn't make Taemin feel better at all. As long as Jongin was laughing it off, it didn't seem serious. But now— "I'm sorry, Taemin. When you get back— let's do the usual, yeah? You know, cinema, bowling, coffee." He smiled at him, the cute, shy _, you know you'll always be my best friend even if I'll have to help you hide the body_  smile. "I'll try to talk to Jonghyun hyung. But don't count on much. You screwed up royally."  


Maybe Jongin was right and there really was no hope left. But— he wouldn't be himself if he didn't try at least.  


When the door finally opens, his heart almost jumps out of his chest. But it's not Jonghyun that opens it for him— it's Jinki. He's holding a small cat in his hands, and he looks very surprised to see him.  


"Taemin? You're back? Did you come to pick up the cat?"  


"The cat?"  


"Yeah, this little thing." He holds out the kitten for him and, dumbfounded, Taemin takes it. It lets out a tiny mew and nuzzles the crook of his neck. "Your friend's boyfriend is adopting it. You know…Hongbin!"  


"Ah, yeah…" Taemin pauses to stop the kitten from climbing on his arm. He recognizes him as the kitten Jonghyun showed him two months ago— but he's bigger now, and far livelier than the sick, skinny little ball of misery he was back then. "But I'm not here to get him." He only stopped at the apartment to drop his bags, shower and change. Neither Wonsik nor Jongin were there, so nobody infirmed him about anything.                    

 

He picks up the kitten and gently hands it back to Jinki, who immediately coos at him, even though he's clearly trying to wiggle out of his grip, and he's clawing at his sweater while he's at it. Taemin smiles; the kitten is really adorable.  


"Is Jonghyun here?"  


Jinki eyes him, his expressions unreadable. Then he sighs, finally placing the kitten back on the floor.  


"That depends. Are you here to make up with him and finally ask him out?"  


"I…" Taemin swallows nervously; despite the cold weather, his palms are sweaty and he's so nervous he feels like he might be sick. "I hope so."  


"Good." Jinki smiles. "He's in his room. Good luck."  


 

 

 

 

 

Jonghyun wakes up in the morning feeling wonderfully warm. He slowly opens his eyes, squinting them against the sunlight seeping through the halfway rolled up binds. He smiles at Taemin's face, relaxed in his sleep as he breathes steadily through his parted lips. He looks so serene like this, so peaceful and innocent. Jonghyun already knows the latter isn't really true, and least not in the general understanding of the word, but he doesn't mind.  


The bed isn't really made for two people but it's surprisingly comfortable to sleep like this, and he doesn't feel like moving just yet.  


"Thank God you're tiny," Taemin mumbled sleepily when Jonghyun asked him to stay in bed instead of sleeping on the sofa. Jonghyun would have kicked him if Taemin hadn't been so cute; he was still suffering from a jetlag, disoriented and barely awake, and all Jonghyun really wanted to do was to cuddle him to sleep.  


He'd missed Taemin so much. When he saw him enter his room two days ago, he barely could stop himself from just jumping on him and hugging him. But there was an invisible wall between them, too many misunderstandings, so he stayed in his seat and let Taemin talk.  


"I know I was stupid. And that I'm selfish and self-centered and I…said dumb things but…"  


Taemin was so nervous it seemed like he was about to cry, and he wasn't the type to cry easily. Jonghyun hated seeing him like this, and he didn't want him to say any of this; he honestly didn't think it was true. Taemin was a kind person, more so than he gave himself credit for, and Jonghyun— he was just dumb, for making Taemin feel so insecure.  


"You've said all that before," he said, cutting him off. "In the messages."  


Taemin blinked at him, startled. "You've— you've read them?"  


"Yeah…" Taemin looked seriously scared then, as if he was expecting Jonghyun to say something terrible. Jonghyun smiled weakly at him, hoping to ease his nerves. "Listen, I was mad at first, but not just at you? I'm sorry for not replying but— God. I feel stupid, I was being too dramatic and I…I just didn't want to make you feel like you're obliged to be with me because you feel sorry for me." He swallowed through the lump forming in his throat, his eyes fixed to the floor. "You can like whoever you—"  


"I like you," Taemin said then, slowly and surely. Jonghyun looked up at him in disbelief, and then, with determination painted on his face, Taemin walked over to him, cupped his cheek and leaned down to kiss him.  


For a moment, he couldn't comprehend what was happening— he was so stunned that he didn't respond. But then Taemin kissed him again— and again— and the message finally got across.  


Taemin likes him.  


They didn't do much more than kissing. Once the anxiety melted away, Taemin became very sleepy, and he turned into some sort of an oversized koala bear that just clung to Jonghyun and seemed intent to eat his ear. It felt nice, but it wasn't very sexy.  


"You're seriously jetlagged," he told Taemin with a chuckle and Taemin just mumbled something incoherent, wrapping all his limbs around him and nuzzling his neck. It wasn't long before he fell asleep.  


He had to leave after the nap, but he came back the next day and stayed the night. Jonghyun's lips are still tingly from all the kisses, his throat dry from all the talking. He wishes he could stay with Taemin like this forever, or at least until the end of Taemin's winter break, but he's finally found a job, and it starts in two days.  


Although reluctant, he untangles himself from Taemin's embrace. Taemin doesn't even budge and Jonghyun smiles; he still sleeps like a rock in the morning, that much hasn't changed.  


He takes a quick shower then starts cooking rice in the rice cooker for breakfast. The meat to go with it is actually leftovers from yesterday but he knows Taemin won't say no to Korean style breakfast after eating Swedish food for so long.  


He makes sure to put some food in the cat's bowl— somehow the cat is still living with them. He's currently napping on the windowsill, basking in the morning sun, but Jonghyun knows it won't be long before he wakes up and starts spreading chaos and destruction again. Jinki explained that Hongbin decided to take him only after moving into a new apartment with Wonsik, to avoid stressing him with too many living place changes. Jonghyun doesn't mind— even though the cat turned out to be a devil in disguise, he's not in hurry to let him go. He supposes he will need to be named soon— they can't keep calling him "the cat".  


When he goes back to his room, Taemin is sitting cross-legged on the bed. He doesn't look awake, though. His eyes are closed and he's swaying slightly, as if about to drop back down on the bed sheets. He looks cute, even with the ridiculous bed hair. Jonghyun chuckles, reaching to pat the frivolous strands of hair down.  


"I smell meat," Taemin says, not opening his eyes.  


"I made breakfast." Jonghyun leans down to press a kiss to the top of his head. "So get up already."  


"Okay," Taemin says, but instead of getting up he wraps his arms around Jonghyun and pulls him down to the bed, immediately cuddling up to him.  


"Hey!" Jonghyun says, but he doesn't even attempt to push Taemin away. He lets him hold him close, press lazy, sleepy kisses to his collarbone, slide his hand under his hoodie and run his fingers up his side, making his skin tingle pleasantly.  


"I missed touching you," he says, and Jonghyun freezes, his heart fluttering in his chest. "I just really missed you…"  


Me too, Jonghyun wants to say, but then Taemin is kissing him, urgently and passionately, and all thoughts fly from his head. All he knows is he wants to feel Taemin close. They slowly tug off each other's clothes; Taemin's struggle with his t-shirt messes his hair up even more. He blushes and laughs breathlessly and he looks so beautiful Jonghyun has to kiss him again.  


Soon he finds himself pressed down to the bed with Taemin hovering over him; there's a playful smile on his lips and his eyes are full of warmth and affection.  


"Is this okay…?" he asks hesitantly. "I mean…do you want me to—"  


"Yes," Jonghyun whispers, "yes, please…" Taemin's smile grows and Jonghyun feels his cheeks warming in a blush; he knows he sounds needy but he's wanted this for so long.  


He bites down on his lip, embarrassed, when Taemin spreads his legs and starts preparing him. Taemin distracts him with kisses and Jonghyun closes his eyes and focuses on just feeling— how Taemin's hair tickles his cheek, how he can smell his shampoo and, behind it, the sweet and familiar scent of— just him. Taemin often teases him about sniffing him but Jonghyun can help it— he loves his scent.  


He focuses on how Taemin's tongue feels in his mouth as he kisses him thoroughly, and on how his fingers feel inside him, stretching him slowly. It burns and it's not really comfortable at first, but Taemin takes his time and it soon begins to feel good. He gasps, bucking his hips against the digits; he just wants to feel Taemin inside.  


"Taeminnie, please…"  


When Taemin finally pushes into him, the overwhelming feeling of fullness makes him dig his fingers into Taemin's shoulders, his chest heaving with quick intakes of breath.  


"Fuck, you feel so good…" Taemin breathes once he's all the way inside. "Are you okay?"  


"Y-yeah…" Jonghyun moans when Taemin pulls out a little and thrusts back in. "More…"  


There was a time when Jonghyun thought he'd never want to be with anyone like this. But now that he has Taemin so close to him, and he knows Taemin wants him, loves him— of all people— it makes it feel so good for him he never wants to stop. All the sensations, all the places where their bodies touch, feel like a tangible extension of their feelings, and he wants more and more.  


And later, when he holds Taemin close, lazily petting his hair and listening to their quickened breaths, he knows Taemin is all his, in every way possible. And that knowledge makes him feel safe; after all, he's been Taemin's for such a long time now.  


"Um, so… meat?" Taemin mumbles against his chest and Jonghyun snorts.  


"You're so romantic."  


"I thought eating breakfast together is considered romantic." Taemin looks up at him with a smile. It's mischievous but full of adoration, and it suddenly hits Jonghyun— Taemin loves him. It's hard to believe but it's true, and the thought draws a smile to his face. He's happy. "Also, " Taemin seems to be set on proving the romantic values of meat, "stomach rumbling isn't romantic at all, in fact it's a notorious mood ruiner and we must avoid it at all cost."  


Jonghyun snorts. "Shut up," he says, then presses a kiss to Taemin's lips, just to make sure he really stops talking.  
  


 

 

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